Do you want to be alive, or do you want to live?

Something to ponder over some tea

You don’t want life, not really. What you want are the things you’ve been taught are good, i.e. being rich, being pretty, being respected, being morally good, being perpetually happy and so on. However, you don’t want life, because while all the aforementioned things can be found in life, they aren’t really life. Life in itself is a random, unpredictable, sometimes cruel, sometimes terrifying, affair. It is a bunch of discordant yet harmoniously orchestrated events; some good, some bad, most neither. At least that’s how I’ve experienced it so far.

We try to curtail and beat it into submission a lot of the time, and as a species, we’ve made some measure of progress since the dawn of the scientific revolution, some four to five centuries ago. The thing about this progress however, is that as much luck as hard work, and intense study, went into it. Yup, I said it as you read it; we got lucky, our material and scientific progress isn’t as linear as history tells it. Certain people were at the right places at the right times with the right knowledge, in unforeseen, and probably unforeseeable ways, and so certain insights about the mechanics of existence were uncovered. To our credit, some members of our species were able, and chose, to capitalize on this wave of fortune and so here we are today: we have a global society that has managed to extend life expectancy and curb nature’s inherent chaos to a certain extent. Life has become somewhat more predictable in certain ways; more people, in more places can say with more certainty that they’ll live to be 70, which wasn’t the case a thousand years ago.

All this said, there is still a lot of uncertainty. What humanity has achieved, is akin to building a relatively sturdy boat on a vast, and possibly infinite, ocean. The boat offers protection and shelter, and life is carried out within it. Yet, that the boat exists and is functioning doesn’t mean it cannot be capsized or destroyed, and courtesy of the idiosyncrasies of human nature, this fact is rarely ever pondered. I guess it’s because while societies can last for millennia, human beings, on the other hand, have mostly been able to do a century and score years at most. We’re not inherently far-seeing, so anyone born in a stable society will naturally find it difficult to imagine that life isn’t stable or predictable. I’m digressing but bear with me.

My mind is moving this way right now because I feel that a lot of the reason life feels very unpleasant is that we’re trained to appreciate, actively desire, and only work towards activities that bring ‘pleasure’. This desire coupled with more training to disdain and actively avoid discomfort can make life seem really tiring a lot of the time seeing as struggle and stress seem to be largely inherent parts of life.

Most of us, based on what I’ve seen, have been trained this way: to narrowly focus on certain phenomena to the exclusion of everything else. Whether or not this is a bad thing is beyond my ability to say, because at a certain level every creature is designed to focus only on a limited selection of phenomena by way of sensory limitations; paying attention to everything will only leave an organism indecisive. So, some things, by necessity, must be ignored. I guess that’s the logic behind raising individuals to focus on specific patterns of existence (prosperity, stability, comfort) and have them decide that these patterns are the only way existence should ever manifest. Like I said, I can’t say it’s a bad thing. Some people are especially good at this type of focus, and this attachment to their ideas of what life should be has driven said people to defy impossible odds and achieve great things. Nonetheless, it could also be argued that for every one person who achieved something great, thousands who have been in similar circumstances have failed... lol, what a dilemma. I doubt it’s one that can be resolved on the spot, so while you’re encouraged to continually revisit it, this piece has to move on.

All I really want to do is examine this desire for control of events/experiences. Why that? Why not rather desire life itself as a whole with all its idiosyncrasies? Is it better to believe that life should be a certain way? Or should you be open to whatever comes? Does being open to whatever comes mean that you still shouldn’t strive for your preferences? Can these two ways of being -building the life you want and accepting the events you receive- coexist in the same person? I feel these questions are important, because life is strange.

You try to chase your dreams, but it can be terribly difficult and there is no guarantee your hard work will pay off. You then try to conform and accept the pleasures of the status quo, but that in itself comes with its own commas, as well. Basically, nothing is straightforward and all the ends you have in sight for your various ventures are probabilistic at best. With all of that in sight, it makes one wonder, “What is the point of trying to get anywhere? If we can’t control, why do we try? Seeing the overwhelming nature of odds stacked against you, how do you, a small and seemingly inconsequential human, fight?” It’s a question that can leave you depressed. At least it did for me. So here I am, examining this notion of control; made weary by holding on to it, trying so hard to see if I can make anything of the other option in sight: choosing to accept whatever comes.

Choosing acceptance of whatever comes makes life seem like less of my responsibility, but it also makes a quote by George Bernard Shaw, in my head, play over and over again. The quote goes:

“The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable man persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.”

The sentiment echoed by that quote tallies with all the success stories we hear and the values that have supposedly made society what it is today-in terms of relatively widespread material progress and minor social progress we’ve witnessed over the past hundred years. Values like perseverance, sacrificing all forms of pleasure today for a better tomorrow, long-suffering and so on, are what helped certain members of humanity give our society its edge. So, if these values are what is necessary for progress of any sort, should we really choose to just accept what comes? What if we’re one of the lucky ones destined to make our ideas of progress a reality? Should we abandon that possibility and just make the best of the life we currently have?

My answer is “I don’t know.”

I, personally, see the wisdom in accepting life for all that it is. I see how it makes everything bearable and how it can enable you find pleasure and enjoyment and internal freedom -freedom from inner turmoil- in the most unlikely places. However, I also see the appeal of building the type of life you want to live. I see that it’s theoretically possible, with the right amount of perseverance and dedication, to find a way to live the life you want, even though you may suffer terribly for it. I feel the tug of both. The choice, however, lies in my hands, and choosing is hard.

I guess I want to go for what I want but don’t want the pain attached, but at the same time I’m not willing to accept where I am. The only solution that comes to mind, is to somehow accept the pain of attachment, as well as the reality of life for what it is: random, unpredictable, sometimes cruel, sometimes terrifying, sometimes pleasant, sometimes exciting, but never truly satisfying or understood. Maybe this will help me be open to the random directions my continual decisions to go for what I want will take me. Maybe, I’ll learn to savor the sensations associated with negative events, and learn not to let them derail me. Maybe, I’ll learn devotion-commitment to a cause for its own sake. Maybe I’ll become devoted to life and existence itself, rather than living for the benefits I hope to enjoy. Maybe I’ll learn to open myself to it all; to give my ideas of gain away and let whatever comes with my choices, and commitments, come. Maybe, I’ll learn to be free. We’ll see.

You on the other hand, may want to think about it. Why are you alive? Why do you want to stay alive? Are you willing to accept life as a whole and all its possibility? Or will you stick to narrowly focusing on your ideas of what life should be?

Fink about it. Namaste.